goal setting, inspiration, Personal Development, Personal growth

On Being Scare-cited

Or is it me, knowing I will have to continually evolve, be WILLING to step up out of my comfort zone every time my level up gets comfortable? I mean, isn’t that what I so often write about, tell people in conversation? That evolution, becoming, growing, whatever trendy term is out there- involves loss sometimes as well as growth.

As I lay in bed this morning I realized, my good ol’ buddy imposter syndrome was there. Whispering. I listened, for awhile.. I’m scared (but, more truthfully, scare-cited). That this new venture of mine will go nowhere, and that what we are now calling seasons and we used to call chapters or golden years will turn into another good Lord I don’t know why because I’ve had more moth years than golden ones.

And then I told my self. Whoa whoa whoa… just a minute. who’s that talking anyway? Is is family figures who have told me time and time again out of love, with a good frosting of fear, to do something ordinary, stable and safe? The jealous ones who could smell uncertainty on me like I’d spilled a bottle of cheap perfume at the drug store and thankyouverymuch, I’ll just show myself out and never come back?

I knew I had to get up and RUN to the keyboard, or all of this was going to fly off to a different conduit. Before I even had coffee!! (I wish I could remember the author who first described writing as flying on the wind, looking for a place to land. It was so powerful, and has stayed with me over the years.)

Or is it me, knowing I will have to continually evolve, be WILLING to step up out of my comfort zone every time my level up gets comfortable? I mean, isn’t that what I so often write about, tell people in conversation? That evolution, becoming, growing, whatever trendy term is out there- involves loss sometimes as well as growth.

I know I’m standing on the precipice of Big Change. Something I’ve seen and dreamt of for so long, and it scares the bleep out of me. Steve Farber in his book. “The Radical Leap “calls it the “oh shit moment”. How taking that leap is like standing on top of a snowy hill with a small cookie sheet for a sled, looking waaay down, saying “Oh shit!”, grabbing that cookie sheet as if your life depended on it, flying down that hill, and then jumping up, saying “wooooo!!! That was great! I wanna do it again!” The point where you commit.

I went to hear a speaker the first time I considered doing something that was emerging called life coaching. I mean waaaay back.. in the 90’s. Back then it was still more corporately oriented, and he talked so much more about making money, gaining followers, building your business.

And I thought.. No.. wait a minute! I want to work with people in a way that’s going to help them become more fully who they are. Not counseling, but helping them find tools that will help them be more fully who they were meant to be on the planet. And have fun while they are doing it.

I thought of my own radical leaps.

Of all the conversations I’ve had with friends and strangers alike that have been life affirming.

Of leaving a marriage for which I was never suited.

Of talking my way out of being mugged at gunpoint by staying calm and rational. That was many many many years ago, and I don’t recommend it. I don’t think that would have ended the same way today.

Of moving West to literally run away to join the circus. That let to a moderately successful career as a costume designer and fabricator, my work published in Vogue Italia and Kerrang!, and meeting then-President and First Lady Obama not once, but four times.

Of taking on a retail job I didn’t want but had to in a big box store because it meant survival- pushing monster carts of product, folding t-shirts like I was on a game show and the buzzer was going off at any minute, and feeling like the ground was going to open up and swallow me every time I went “up front” to work the registers. That one became so much more, because there I learned to meet people where they were, with grace. That many people were there for connection, as much if not more than for toothpaste. How to observe and roll with a management style that would constantly call people out for not being enough with one hand, and give performance awards to the same people with the other.

Of being brave enough to leave that job, for so many reasons, without something else solid in place. Talk about an Oh Shit Moment! (and Dear Universe, please bring something that will provide me resources soon)

Of going to a conference outside my realm and coming back with a complete download of what I want to do going forward (this adventure in blogging and podcasting is part of it). I’d in part gone to observe the presenters, and I figured if an EXPERT can be nervous presenting, than so can I!

Of this past couple of years, like for so many of us, taking pause. Reassess. Circle back to where my true heart is.

Of putting my music out there. I cried recently the day I saw one of my songs had been listened to 1,000 times in less than a year. That step of bravery has shown me, if I don’t step up and step out, people will never know.

Of getting certified as a meditation guide, so I can enhance what I’ve been calling sound experiences.

Of learning to take critiques as learning opportunities, and not announcements of failure.

It’s about daring greatly, a term popularized by Brene Brown in her talk and book by that name.

Here’s the quote from Theodore Roosevelt:
“It is not the critic who counts; not the man who points out how the strong man stumbles, or where the doer of deeds could have done them better. The credit belongs to the man who is actually in the arena, whose face is marred by dust and sweat and blood; who strives valiantly; who errs, who comes short again and again, because there is no effort without error and shortcoming; but who does actually strive to do the deeds; who knows great enthusiasms, the great devotions; who spends himself in a worthy cause; who at the best knows in the end the triumph of high achievement, and who at the worst, if he fails, at least fails while daring greatly, so that his place shall never be with those cold and timid souls who neither know victory nor defeat.”

It’s about deciding to commit, once and for all, as Alan Seale says in his book “Creating a World that Works”. Once, and for all beings in addition to oneself.

It’s about making meaning and living your values, as Eric Maisel writes in his teachings.

The above people I count among my mentors. I have learned, and continue to learn so much from them.

And you, who are reading or listening. You’re my mentors too, and a HUGE reason why I keep keeping on. I have written something, maybe a bit meandering like this is, and have someone say it was what they needed that day, or that it changed their life direction.

Words have so much power. And I’m a conduit, not The Source. I hope I never lose sight of that.

I hope I never lose sight of how I’m now, finally, in this season/chapter/stage of life, ready to pack up and toss out the beliefs drilled into me of “you can’t. You won’t. You will never.”

I can. I will. I AM. Won’t you come with me?

Creativity, focus, Personal Development, Personal growth

Time is Your Most Precious Resource


About a month ago, while hiking, I had come to me “time is an unrenewable resource”. Depending on your view of things of a quantum nature and multiple dimensions, this could be debatable.



For all practical purposes, in this existence, as I write and you read, time is linear without a reverse gear.

In the past week or so, I noticed the name Brene Brown appearing.. a quote someone would share.. or a a remark that reading her work had saved or awakened this friend or that one. And then I saw that she had a talk on Neflix. My membership runs out at the end of the month. Time is running out! Hah!

Last night I started it up, and not a minute into her talking she said “And I have to say, honestly, the older I get, the more I realize that time is the big, precious, unrenewable resource.” Well.  Whaddya know.

If you don’t have Netflix, you can read the transcript here : https://www.springfieldspringfield.co.uk/movie_script.php?movie=brene-brown-the-call-to-courage

Okie dokie, Universe. Message received!

Flash backwards many years. (time is only mutable in memories, or so I’ve been led to believe!) to a friend’s apartment. They pulled out this new tarot deck called Motherpeace. Round. Not all the traditional symbols. Not the most elevated drawing to most eyes, and even so… so compelling.

The card I drew was the ten of swords. I love tarot, but have yet to have interpreting the cards come to me naturally. I immediately saw it as women taking a leap of faith. My friend thought that was an interesting and unique interpretation, as traditionally the ten of swords is seen as a card of destruction and ruin.

I think of this card often when I am on the edge of change. On the border of an “oh shit” moment as author Steve Farber described in his book “The Radical Leap: A Personal Lesson in Extreme Leadership”. That point where you commit with your whole being.. no turning back. I often imagine it as being on a bicycle on a top of a steep hill. I say “oh shit”, let go of the brakes, and go racing down the hill in that glorious combination of giddiness and trepidation. With any luck I land at the bottom with only a few scrapes from bushes and can hardly wait to get back up to the top and try it again.

It’s important to note that the women are not leaping off the cliff alone. The story is that these are the Princesses of Athena, leaping to their deaths rather than face horrific arranged marriages. I like the interpretation that Jean Baluka has.. in part: “The card represents the final letting go of some idea, or the absolute abandonment of a way of life. In less dramatic circumstances, it is the end of a bad life cycle, a realization that the person can no longer live the same way, because life can finally be seen for what it really is, not as it was hoped to be.” You can read her interpretations of al the cards here: https://exemplore.com/fortune-divination/Motherpeace-Round-Tarot-Cards-Suit-of-Swords

My feeling is that this could be a person and their support system, or the many aspects of one’s Self collectively making that decision to take the radical leap. A leap of faith. The point where there is no other choice.

 Leaps of faith can be scary. We might not have the resources to activate the full vision. We might risk housing or food scarcity. We might be waiting for just the perfect moment. The right grant. To be discovered. The right network of like-minded people.

It’s a very physical feeling for me, the being on the verge of the leap. I’ve had a couple of friends lately take their own leaps, and they are my heroes. Maybe I’m part of a tribe of spiritual lemmings.. hehe!~ But seriously. I admire these friends and their choices. It takes courage to make the leap. Courage to be open to change. To failure. To being raw and vulnerable. I’m convince one cannot grow without it. Courage and vulnerability are other favourite topics of Brene Brown.

I’ve been on the verge of my own leap for quite awhile now. I took one nearly fifteen years ago when I moved West to literally join the circus. I’ve had amazing experiences I wouldn’t trade for anything. I’ve met people who have become part of my lifelong tribe of beloveds. I’ve grown and changed like I never imagined I could.

I feel I needed all these experiences and connections to come to this point of knowing. That one of my true selves combines art and healing in ways I have yet to put out there. It at first seemed too big. all the Yeah Buts keep stepping in my path. You don’t have enough money. Your work schedule that keeps you clothed and housed doesn’t allow for it. You don’t… you can’t.. whatever makes you think…

And you know what? I’m kicking all those blocks off the trail! I’ve been finding ways to create and share and write, and I WILL … oh! Another bounce. Change “I will” or “someday” to “I am” and schedule those somedays in your calendar in ink! I liken it to the times I run into a friend who says “Let’s get together for coffee soon” to which I respond “What are you doing next Thursday?” and they say.. “Someday”


We don’t know how many somedays we have.


Break off that big idea into workable hunks .

Get to it.

Take that beautiful leap of faith.

I didn’t see those women jumping off the cliff as falling.

I saw them as jumping off the cliff to soar and fly.

As always… thanks for reading. I love you!

Image: Ten of swords from the Motherpeace tarot card deck by Karen Vogel and Vicki Noble