…and your wisdom will rise up to support you
Let Your Curiosity Lead…
Category: Personal Development
The Courage to Fail
I was talking with an accountability partner the other day. They were expressing frustration as a leader, when they didn’t how to more effectively approach team members that kept doing the same thing, the same way, and failing.
We’ve all done it at some point. Try the same thing the same way over and over, and fail. Our brains just can’t seem to figure it out. It’s like a dog trying to go through a narrow opening with a long stick.
Perhaps we see a team member or colleague follow the same pattern, with an unsuccessful outcome. As a leader, we make the same suggestion, over and over, and have the same result. We can see so clearly what they should be doing differently, and the desired outcome just doesn’t materialize. We can’t figure out a way to advise the person in a way they will understand.
In either case, there can be the pressure of “I/we don’t have time to fail”, which can add another layer of real and/or perceived obstacles.
When we fail within ourselves, we will sometimes give up in frustration. When failure arises in a group, the outcome of the efforts of the entire team can be affected. A person may end up feeling stigmatized and be less willing to take risks in the future.
As a leader, there is a delicate balance between catching the action in the moment and reestablishing the flow, or risking calling out a person in front of their peers and souring group dynamics. If there’s a potential learning opportunity for the entire group, find a way to reshape the process for the team.
Try brainstorming together. Understanding that people learn in many different ways, this can create a collaboration that accommodates the different styles that works for everyone. It gives space for the team to support and nurture each other’s success.
If it’s more appropriate to work with the person one on one, ask them to describe their process. It could reveal where the glitch is, and how to fix it. It’s important that people feel empowered in their improvement, and not shamed. Talking through their routine can create space for them to have their own aha moment.
One of the benefits of creative practice is you build your failure muscle. That is, you build your willingness to fail in a new way... even courage to fail in a new way. Curiosity and exploration can lead to doing things in ways you hadn’t considered before, and lead to the desired result.
So how can one do this in ordinary, non-creative practice life? It’s a matter of burning new pathways. Our brain has learned a way that doesn’t work, and it stubbornly won’t give it up!
Engage in visualization and/or meditation.
An individual or group can practice visualization, where a process is rehearsed internally, and then apply the new process in real time. Allow all the possibilities to flow through imagination. This combined with brainstorming can encourage innovative thinking and outcomes.
Recall a time you did succeed… either in the actions where you are currently failing, or something completely different. When we succeed, we often can feel it coming, dropping into the zone where everything seems to magically fall into place. Replay those moments in your mind.. how it felt, what you did.. engaging fully with all your senses.
In addition to visualization, meditation practice in general invites a deeper connection to self and the world around us. In Instinctive Meditation®, which I practice, all is welcome. It’s not about blocking things out, but allowing it all to arise, and let the mind do it’s thing.
Do something seemingly unrelated to what you were doing.
In creative practice, I will sometimes work in a different medium- maybe even one I’ve never worked with before. We’ve all sucked at trying something new, until we start to understand the properties of what we’re working with. If you learned to ride a bike, play a musical instrument, or learn a new work procedure, you likely failed a few times before you “got” it.
In a group setting, where practical, cross training might be successful, or even show strengths that weren’t apparent in a different role. This can be another opportunity to involve the whole group in exercises. These could include incorporating movement and rhythm, writing up procedure manuals together, and so on.
Once when I was teaching kids of a broad age range, the littles weren’t getting the concept of weaving. I made up a game, on the spot, where we held hands and wove over and under each other. It helped! My typing teacher (ancient times!) had us imagine a song with good rhythm in our heads to help our typing speed and consistency.
Model the actions of someone you admire.
Who is successful in doing something you’d like to do? Watch successful plays of sport figures, teams, or dancers and try out their moves. What does a speaker, singer, or writer do to warm up? Try out their routines or drills. Set up an interview with someone who is where you want to be, and ask them how they got there.. what their successes and failures have been. Some of the people I admire most have had some pretty spectacular failures. Ask someone to be your mentor. Find an accountability partner.
Don’t take your failures personally.
This can be a tough one, especially for those of us who’ve internalized stories of not meeting the expectations of those who rely on us, or been met with a rejection if we don’t meet high standards. Your self talk might reflect this… “I never… I always… what made me think I could.. ” If you come up against this obstacle, it can be a good time to work with a life guide of some sort. Journaling and meditation can also be useful tools.
Failure is part of being human! It’s how we learn.
You will fail at some things. Remember that you succeed at many more! Failing lets us know we are stretching our capacity to grow. Give yourself permission to fail. This is where deliberate practice of any kind is so important. It allows you to explore without expectation of outcome. To more deeply connect with process and self.
Be willing to have the courage to fail in a new way.
Set That Monkey Free!
If you’ve every explored meditation, chances are eventually you’ll come across the concept of the monkey mind, and how important it is to quiet it.
I’d like to challenge that. In Instinctive Meditation®, we welcome all aspects of ourselves, and that includes the monkey mind…. those parts of ourself that can be easily distracted, confused, or just continually chatter. Your time spent meditating doesn’t have to be sitting in an uncomfortable position, or attempting to stifle the inner workings of your mind. It’s about allowing the experience to be the experience, and giving yourself permission to simply be.
In modern living, our brains are operating like there are bunch of apps all opened at the same time, or a radio station playing in the background. When we take time to simply be, the volume and presence of that internal chatter comes to the forefront. “Maybe I should have said something differently in that meeting today. What’s for dinner? My nose itches. Haha… that was a funny post I saw- I should send it to my friend”. And like a giggle that might arise at an inopportune time, the more we try to not to have the thought, the larger it becomes.
When thoughts arise in meditation, it’s the brain doing it’s thing. You’ve given your mind space to sort, categorize and repair. It’s a safe place for scenarios to play out. You may feel an urge to jump up and attend to some of these things. I invite you to allow them to flow through, and if they are persistent, take a moment to either acknowledge it’s presence and “tell” it you hear it, and will address it later, jot it down, then continue whatever form of meditation you are doing. I sometimes like to say “Come on, monkeys!! Whatcha got?”
The art of allowing your mind to go on it’s own adventure is a big part of this style of meditation. It’s a natural rhythm of meditation to go in and out of a meditative state, just as our stages of sleep are deeper and lighter. You will come to think, “oh yeah. I’m meditating.” and continue.
I’m here to tell you, it’s going to all be OK, and here are some things that might work for you.
Write it out. Set the beginning time of your practice to do some writing- a writing utensil on actual paper use your brain a bit differently. You can write thoughts, the same word over and over, doodle. There’s just something about the act of writing itself than can be calming. These marking don’t have to be precious. You can make part of your meditation time at the end be to setting these markings free by doing something like tearing them up into tiny bits if you like.
Get silly. Honour that inner monkey, quite literally. If you’re in a place where you’re comfortable to do so, pretend to be a monkey, arms up in the air, lumbering through the room, maybe making monkey noises or giving voice to those thoughts inside your head. Sometimes releasing the energy of those thoughts can encourage them to settle down.
Move. If being silly doesn’t work for you, try putting on some music and dancing for awhile, then lay down and allow the feeling of movement to go inwards. Repeat a few times, ending with laying down and giving yourself permission to rest.
Be curious about your breath. This is a bit different than focusing on your breath, to me. Settle in a comfortable way, and get cozy with your breathing in its natural rhythm. Take time to appreciate the texture of it…. the change in temperature during the inhalation/exhalation cycle. The sound of it. Feel your breath flowing through your body- not just in and out of your lungs, but lighting up and feeding every cell- head to toe. Allow yourself to lose track of your breathing, and drift off. (P.S. falling asleep during your session is OK! Many of us are so sleep deprived!)
Engage with something you love to do. Many of us don’t make time to do something for the joy of it. Is there something you enjoy doing, or used to do, where time seems to fall away? It could be listening fully to music (not doing anything else while the music is playing), digging in your garden, walking unplugged in a less urban environment, creating or appreciating art, tinkering with machines. Try doing this every day, for 20 minutes a day. Even better, twice a day! Give yourself grace for easing into a regular practice.
Explore a pleasant memory. For example, maybe there’s a favourite place you like to go. Call it up in your mind in as great a detail as you can, inviting all of your sensory memories in. How the sunlight felt. The sounds around you. The textures you touch. I find when I do this, my mind settles into a peaceful place.
Use a guided meditation. For the way some people’s minds work, having something to listen to as a doorway into meditation can “short circuit” that chatter and take you deeper. When you lose track of what the guide is saying, IT’S OK! It means you’ve entered into your own version of meditation.
Use an object as a doorway. Instinctive Meditation® calls the ways into meditation doorways. You can use something like a candle, setting up what is for you sacred space, a stone to look at, a houseplant, the pattern of shadow and light coming in through a window. Instead of focusing on it, though, become an explorer. Drink in every detail of the object, engaging all of your senses.
Mantra. Mantra loosely translates from Sanskrit as “mind tool”. In some traditions, it’s a sacred word or phrase, often given to a student by their teacher. Let’s look at it another way! It doesn’t have to be a long phrase in a language you don’t know and feel like you might not remember (although it can be, too!) Repeat a sound over and over that is soothing to you. Maybe it’s “mmmm” or “ahhhhh”. It could also be a short prayer from your existing spiritual practice. Or it could be a word that has meaning for you, or has a quality you’d like to be filled with over the day. Love. Peace. I Am. Sunya. Stretch it out and luxuriate in the sound. Perhaps start by saying it out loud, then whisper, then recite with your inner voice.
Work with a meditation coach. Sometimes it’s helpful to have a coconspirator and witness to your process. A coach can help you explore what you need in a session and become attuned to what you might need on any given day. This can be different each time! One time a walking meditation might be it, another might be a nap, or any of the ideas listed above, and more. You have inside you a wealth of knowledge and doorways into meditation and rest that are unique to you; a good coach can help you find the way.
I would love to collaborate with you in creating your own meditation practice. You can schedule a free 30-minute call here to see if we are a good fit. https://calendly.com/adelesatori
I look forward to exploring with you!
More Benefits of Arts Participation
I’ve been exploring some of the research that’s out there to support and quantify my intuition about the benefits of creative practice, which can include everything from art appreciation, listening to music, fine arts, crafts, cooking, gardening. If you can think of something that invites you to explore the world with curiosity and see/express things in a way you haven’t before… to me it counts!
One Nation One Project is doing a lot around how art participation is not only beneficial for individuals, but also for communities. Here’s a link to their initiative, which includes the above graphic https://www.onenationoneproject.com/arts-health-connection
It’s interesting to see that many of the benefits from arts participation are also benefits of meditation. I love how meditation and creative practice work in partnership with each other.
You don’t need a lot of fancy supplies to explore creativity. You don’t have to be “good” at European-style art. Create and explore for the joy of it!
I would love to collaborate with you in exploring how creative practice and meditation can enrich your life. Or just one or the other! You can book a free 30-minute curiousity call here https://calendly.com/adelesatori
Health Benefits of Engaging With Art
“Research shows that art experiences, whether as a maker or a beholder, transform our biology by rewiring our brains and triggering the release of neurochemicals, hormones and endorphins.”
https://lnkd.in/gVNrMRuR
There is so much in this article that I find parallels our experiences in instinctive meditation, especially the invitation to engage with awe and wonder on a regular basis. This is part of what excites me so much- the discoveries I continually make that deepen both my creative and meditation practices.
I especially like the thought of slowing down in a museum- to truly experience the art in front of you.
Whether you go to a museum, gallery, walk and look at architecture, listen to music, go to a concert, doodle in a notebook… it all counts!
craftingthespirit.com 