Tag: Personal growth

I was talking with an accountability partner the other day. They were expressing frustration as a leader, when they didn’t how to more effectively approach team members that kept doing the same thing, the same way, and failing.

We’ve all done it at some point. Try the same thing the same way over and over, and fail. Our brains just can’t seem to figure it out. It’s like a dog trying to go through a narrow opening with a long stick.

Perhaps we see a team member or colleague follow the same pattern, with an unsuccessful outcome. As a leader, we make the same suggestion, over and over, and have the same result. We can see so clearly what they should be doing differently, and the desired outcome just doesn’t materialize. We can’t figure out a way to advise the person in a way they will understand.

In either case, there can be the pressure of “I/we don’t have time to fail”, which can add another layer of real and/or perceived obstacles.

When we fail within ourselves, we will sometimes give up in frustration. When failure arises in a group, the outcome of the efforts of the entire team can be affected. A person may end up feeling stigmatized and be less willing to take risks in the future.

As a leader, there is a delicate balance between catching the action in the moment and reestablishing the flow, or risking calling out a person in front of their peers and souring group dynamics. If there’s a potential learning opportunity for the entire group, find a way to reshape the process for the team.

Try brainstorming together. Understanding that people learn in many different ways, this can create a collaboration that accommodates the different styles that works for everyone. It gives space for the team to support and nurture each other’s success.

If it’s more appropriate to work with the person one on one, ask them to describe their process. It could reveal where the glitch is, and how to fix it. It’s important that people feel empowered in their improvement, and not shamed. Talking through their routine can create space for them to have their own aha moment.

One of the benefits of creative practice is you build your failure muscle. That is, you build your willingness to fail in a new way... even courage to fail in a new way. Curiosity and exploration can lead to doing things in ways you hadn’t considered before, and lead to the desired result.

So how can one do this in ordinary, non-creative practice life? It’s a matter of burning new pathways. Our brain has learned a way that doesn’t work, and it stubbornly won’t give it up!

Engage in visualization and/or meditation.
An individual or group can practice visualization, where a process is rehearsed internally, and then apply the new process in real time. Allow all the possibilities to flow through imagination. This combined with brainstorming can encourage innovative thinking and outcomes.

Recall a time you did succeed… either in the actions where you are currently failing, or something completely different. When we succeed, we often can feel it coming, dropping into the zone where everything seems to magically fall into place. Replay those moments in your mind.. how it felt, what you did.. engaging fully with all your senses.

In addition to visualization, meditation practice in general invites a deeper connection to self and the world around us. In Instinctive Meditation®, which I practice, all is welcome. It’s not about blocking things out, but allowing it all to arise, and let the mind do it’s thing.

Do something seemingly unrelated to what you were doing.
In creative practice, I will sometimes work in a different medium- maybe even one I’ve never worked with before. We’ve all sucked at trying something new, until we start to understand the properties of what we’re working with. If you learned to ride a bike, play a musical instrument, or learn a new work procedure, you likely failed a few times before you “got” it.

In a group setting, where practical, cross training might be successful, or even show strengths that weren’t apparent in a different role. This can be another opportunity to involve the whole group in exercises. These could include incorporating movement and rhythm, writing up procedure manuals together, and so on.

Once when I was teaching kids of a broad age range, the littles weren’t getting the concept of weaving. I made up a game, on the spot, where we held hands and wove over and under each other. It helped! My typing teacher (ancient times!) had us imagine a song with good rhythm in our heads to help our typing speed and consistency.

Model the actions of someone you admire.
Who is successful in doing something you’d like to do? Watch successful plays of sport figures, teams, or dancers and try out their moves. What does a speaker, singer, or writer do to warm up? Try out their routines or drills. Set up an interview with someone who is where you want to be, and ask them how they got there.. what their successes and failures have been. Some of the people I admire most have had some pretty spectacular failures. Ask someone to be your mentor. Find an accountability partner.

Don’t take your failures personally.
This can be a tough one, especially for those of us who’ve internalized stories of not meeting the expectations of those who rely on us, or been met with a rejection if we don’t meet high standards. Your self talk might reflect this… “I never… I always… what made me think I could.. ” If you come up against this obstacle, it can be a good time to work with a life guide of some sort. Journaling and meditation can also be useful tools.

Failure is part of being human! It’s how we learn.
You will fail at some things. Remember that you succeed at many more! Failing lets us know we are stretching our capacity to grow. Give yourself permission to fail. This is where deliberate practice of any kind is so important. It allows you to explore without expectation of outcome. To more deeply connect with process and self.

Be willing to have the courage to fail in a new way.