Tag: writing

inspiration, instinctive meditation, journaling, Memories, spirituality, writing

Conversations with My Self

Adele Satori
Image is a color digital collage I created of a mine tunnel with broken tracks, and a large blue eye looking into it. The eye appears to be reflecting the other end of the tunnel.

Sometimes my meditations take the form of an inner conversation, I suppose you could call it. It’s all in words. Some days it stays internal, and some days it flows onto page or screen.

This morning I was thinking back to a chat I’d had with a friend recently, where I was questioning my Why of existence– from the perspective of what is my overarching purpose. What arose is that my primary purpose is to witness the small moments.

I thought how remembering these small moments transmits them back to the universe– whether you view it as pranashakti, God, some ethereal council of beings, or something else entirely. Or nothing. It could be “live stream” (I just mistyped this as “love stream” a few times, and that’s not inaccurate!) or when hopefully long from now I leave this body and report back. Despite the horrors that we are bombarded with daily (and some experience), there is this:

“Look how wondrous this existence has been!”

Texture of bark on my favourite trees. I spent awhile this morning visiting each of them.

The day I noticed each tree has its own song when the wind caresses it.

The dance of shadows, and how sometimes I can see the faeries hiding there.

When I see a plant waving, and there’s no wind my skin can feel.

The lap of The Wise Old Tree in Minneapolis fit me perfectly, and I received from her exactly what I needed every time.

Sunlight shining through flower petals and butterfly wings.

Buzzing of bird wings when they fly closely.

How once a hummingbird hovered so closely to me I could feel the breath of its wings. And how delightful it is to hear their little beep beeps and watch them ride invisible rollercoasters when they are showing off to each other.

Bees with their pollen pants. One day I noticed a bee with **purple**polling plants, which expanded my knowledge of what colour pollen is.

One day I followed a bee on its journey until it went where a mere human couldn’t follow.

The smell of breakfast as I pass homes on Sunday morning walks.

Backyard conversations floating on the air.

Laughing with friends from the depths of our souls.

When breath sounds like the ocean, and the ocean, breath.

Seeing people’s inner child come out when they get an ice cream cone.

Looks shared between people tells one a lot about how they are relating to each other in that moment, or maybe always.

Witnessing fear course through a small child when a loud noise startled them. Not knowing what they might have experienced, assuring them they were safe in this moment. And thinking how many children do not have this assurance or safety.

How soft the sweater is of a neighbour I’ve only waved to when we finally took a moment to share each other’s names.

Appreciating the delicious feeling of my bed every night, and the gratitude I have for this experience, and a place to stay inside every day. Being cozy in bed when it’s raining.

Warmth of a lemon in my hand that someone picked from their tree and gave to me while I was out walking, and the fresh lemon scent that filled my apartment when I got home.

Times my words and presence have lifted someone up, and the times when I have not been my best. When I remember these less than stellar times, I whisper “I’m sorry” to these people, and let it go.

The joy I have of being able to sing around the house without being asked to stop, and the joy of a friend or family member joining in.

I used to hear people singing or whistling in public, and I don’t hear that much any more.

The peace of quiet when I wake up in the middle of the night, and there’s no traffic.

The bliss of sitting in my car for a moment when I come home, even though I live alone.

The beautiful community I have with my current neighbours. We take care of each other without getting into each other’s business, and I cherish it.

So much more. Every day there’s one small thing I can tuck away in the scrapbook of my heart and pull out at any time.

No big achievements by societal standards. Simply witnessing and Being in this world.

What have you witnessed today?

art, art appreciation, course creation, Creativity, inspiration, instinctive meditation, journaling, meditation, Personal growth

The Intangible Becomes Tangible….or Not.

Adele Satori
Image is a black and white photograph of a light coloured piece of crumpled paper on a black background

Time spent in creative practice doesn’t have to result in something tangible.

Not one word, brushstroke, note, pixel, movement or sound needs to exist.

How did reading that make you feel? Excited? Uncomfortable? An exclamation of wow, or how ridiculous?

Congratulations! You just did something creative! You received an external stimulus, processed it, and put things together that is an expression of all your experience in a way that is unique to you. A definition of creativity.

I teach a creativity and meditation class once a month. One of the cool things about that is that I either come up with a theme and explore it, to see how I might invite others in the creative practice portion of the class, or I mess around with one of the many ways I like to engage with the world, and see what comes up.

Something that arose for me this month is that there doesn’t have to be a tangible result during time spent in creative practice. I think that’s what holds some people back in exploring- the pressure to make something that’s visible to others… or something that has some perceived value. Comparing it to work that’s in a gallery/museum/stage/musical platform/book.

How would it be for you to instead take a walk with a theme, such as “what colour/shape/sound am I most noticing today?” Or sit somewhere and become immersed with the music of life flowing around you? Spend time in your creative space (even if it’s wherever you make a place in the moment) and explore your materials with your senses? Feel the textures of paper, metal, wood, or beads in your hand. The squish of garden dirt between your fingers. The weight of a musical instrument on your lap. Laying on the floor and feeling the subtle energy of breath and blood pulsing through your body. Watch the quality of light and shadow shift with the passing of time. Listen to music and follow the sound of one instrument. Enjoy it in the moment, and set it free.

All of this, to me, is both creative practice and meditation. I won’t have anything to show for it, but it’s tucked away in my mind and heart, and time has revealed that these things appear at some point later, when I’m in the flow of creating something in my outer world. And something I can revisit at any time I choose.

The picture at the beginning of this article was part of my most recent exploration. My theme in November started as light and dark, and expanded to exploring opposites. Earlier in the day I had taken some photos of the interior of a box grater, and had been thinking about light and shadow most of the day.

Image is a black and white photo of the interior of a box grater

I crumpled up part of a brown paper bag and set it on my table. I started to sketch it- white chalk on black paper, and became a little frustrated. Drawing has been problematic for me over the years, for so many reasons (an article in itself!), and I stopped.

Black and white photo of a close up of a crumpled paper bag.

Instead, I gave over to exploring with my senses only. At first crumpling and uncrumpling the paper. I listened to the sounds it made. I followed the folds with my eyes, enjoying the rhythms that appeared. I thought about how I would embody crumpling.. folding and unfolding.. light and dark. I put the paper in different light and noticed how it accentuated different crevices. Smelled that unique brown paper bag smell. When I felt I was done, and only then, I took out my phone and took some pictures. And only because I was inspired to do so. No obligation. No expectation.

Black and white photo of a crumpled paper bag set on its edge on a black background.
Black and white photo of a crumpled paper bag on a black background. The foreground is in focus, softening as the image goes back.

I then went on with my day. I loved the sensation that I’d done something pleasurable for awhile, for myself (even though it was initially in preparation for a class).

It’s important to remember that play and rest are integral parts of both creative practice and meditation. Often after an intense round of output, I can spend weeks of not creating any actual thing, but that doesn’t mean than I’m not engaged in creative practice. Rest is a great tool for creativity.

I invite you to play and not create something tangible at the end. Arrange some twigs in a pleasing manner. Stack stones. Make hand shadows. Allow the silliest sounds you’ve every heard come from you. Dance with the wind. Deeply listen to music. Follow the brushstrokes of a painting in a gallery with your eyes. Don’t document it.. simple play and enjoy some unbounded creativity. Do it for you!

art, art appreciation, Creativity, drawing, instinctive meditation, journaling, meditation, Memories, mindfulness, poetry, writing

Drawing Memory

Adele Satori
Image shows a pastel drawing of an ocean beach. There are waves coming to shore. On the right is a large boulder, with a yellow sun just to the left of the boulder.

Consider all the pain and all the pleasure
You have ever experienced
As waves on a very deep ocean which you are.

From the depths, witness those waves,
Rolling along so bravely, always changing,
Beautiful in their self-sustaining power.

Marvel that once, you identified with
Only the surface of this ocean.
Now embrace waves, depths, undersea mountains,
Out to the farthest shore.
~Insight verse 136, “The Radiance Sutras”, Lorin Roche, PhD.
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The image I drew in a recent Playing With Creativity and Meditation class that my friend Andrea Abrahamson and I co-teach at the online Radiance Sutras School of Meditation. It was her turn to facilitate, and the theme was travel.  

Going into the meditation, we were invited to attune to our senses. I live on a really busy street, and the ebb and flow of traffic began to sound like ocean waves to me.  I could see the image I drew so clearly, so out it came.  As I worked with the pastels, my fingers blending the colours together also sounded like the ocean to me, so I played with that… moving my hand and much of my body, creating the sound of the ocean. The movement of waves. The tingling of my fingers reminded me a little of the sharp tingling of sand under my bare feet.

It’s my favourite little beach in Pacific Palisades, and is still closed after the January fires. I looked at the satellite map recently, tracing the route down the twists and turns down Sunset Blvd. that I’ve enjoyed driving.  So much is gone; I’m not sure when I’ll have the heart to make the drive again. It’s so wonderful to have the memory of it, and now this image, as one of my doorways into meditation.

creative practice, instinctive meditation, journaling, meditation, writing

Meditation as Inner Journaling

Adele Satori
Image show closeup of a hand holding a pen on an open journal with blank pages. In the background is a garden path and plants

Not long ago I was invited to reignite my journaling practice as part of a journey to understand myself more deeply. I balked at first, and decided to meditate awhile to figure out why.

My journals are sacred space, and there have been times that has not been honoured, so I know that’s one reason, even though I currently live alone. Although I’m pretty good at allowing a direct mindheart to pen connection, my inner writer and editor sometimes disrupt the flow… backing up.. crossing out… rearranging. And sometimes seeing my thoughts in writing make them somehow more “real” and a whole different adventure of judgement and evaluation begins.

It came to me that meditation is a form of inner journaling- the ultimate sacred space. I’ve cultivated a practice that welcomes and allows all that comes up, without judgement or editing… sounds a lot like pen to paper or hands to keyboard journaling, doesn’t it?

Opening to a feeling in meditation for me is sometimes less distracting than writing. I can explore more deeply all the nuances that it encompasses… mind.. body… and spirit, beyond words. I can explore in multiple directions simultaneously in a way I have yet to discover while writing. I do often have a pen and paper nearby, for the times I have astonishing realizations. They don’t always stick with my in thought, so this has been working for me, as I flow between inner meditation and outer meditation… inner and outer journaling.

Astonishment doesn’t have to be life-changing, by the way.. it can be as beautiful as recalling in detail some small thing I witnessed in a day… like the dance of shadows on a sidewalk. Becoming more attuned to experiencing awe, wonder, and astonishment is enriching my life so much!

Meditation has also enhanced my writing. If I take even a short bit of time to transition between ordinary and writing states of mind, I’m becoming more able to allow the flow, without distraction, and seeing the act of writing or typing as part of the embodiment of that flow. Much as I learned long ago to hit record from the moment I sit down to compose digital music. I can finesse and edit later- the important thing is being open to receiving what the Muse is whispering to my heart.

creative practice, inspiration, instinctive meditation, journaling, meditation, spirituality, writing

The Universe Woke Me, and I Listened.

Adele Satori
Image show yellow ginko leaves on a grey cement sidewalk. A single drop of water rests on the center leaf, and a reflection of the sun is visible.

I woke up at 2 AM. Not uncommon, but this was different. I distinctly heard “Enlightenment. Enlightenment.” O dear goodness, brain, please let me go back to sleep. And yet it was persistent.

“Enlightenment. The light in me.” I had an urgency to find pen and paper, turn on a light that pierced the darkness, and write. I feel sometimes it’s important to share the process as a creative person, so here’s what came, only reordered slightly for clarity.
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Enlightenment. The light in me. Becoming light. Finding peace. Finding innocence. Uniting with my inner child. The inner child as light? Innocence.

Innocence lost. Is it one defining moment, or a series of events?

Reaching for the light in me, like reaching for a glass of water. The thirst is quenched for a time, and then we refresh.

Innocence. The “pure” soul- or maybe better- or orginal soul. Full of wonder and awe. Exploring things deeply with the whole being because everything is fresh, and new. Experimenting. Figuring things out. Kids’ drawing showing aspects of what they see and feel.

Rising to the surface in times of joy- eating an ice cream cone. Looking at the sky. In times of sorrow- calling for Mama when hurt. Saying goodbye when driving away from a burning house (not mine. I saw this on a video). In times of hope- reconnecting with someone…the video I saw of a man taking his 5 year old son to meet his Grandmother for the first time…. there were two little boys standing on those steps.

Do those who live closer with Nature retain more innocence? Do artists?

What does pura vida mean? Pure life. Living in deep appreciation.

Getting the wonder taught out of us. Being taught to conform, rather than discover our full potential, unbound by convention.

“Personal growth” as commodification of the journey back to the soul.

Enlightenment is a process, not an end game. Not a competition. Not a hierarchy. Vibration is simply vibration. The colonization of communing with the soul is rampant.

Feeling like something’s wrong if we don’t know what our life purpose is (what do you want to be when you grow up?), as if it has to be ONE THING FOREVER, when the purpose might Universally be to learn, discover, love (the world around us, people, our selves) while we are in this body.

If we are lucky, we are born into an environment where we are nurtured, protected “just enough”. Not all beings have that privilege.

Has tech “stolen” that from kids? How seeing packs of kids out roaming is so rare any more.

Healing the inner child as reconnecting with that pure soul/original innocence.

The other day I wondered if when we die, we step fully into our happiest moment/memory before the next adventure begins.

Reaching. Obtaining. Enlightenment can’t be possessed. It’s the dance and music of the soul.
********************************************************************************Well. That was quite the adventure! Much to ponder. Seeds for creating. Seeds for being.